All play and no work? no thank you.

So apparently people actually read this thing, so i thought i'd update from my last rather depressing post and write something only lightly less down.  Mostly just an update on my life.
> Spending my mornings helping out at Olympic High school in the spanish dept.  need 40 + hours of observation to qualify for the masters in teaching program at UW.
> I'm actually doing the paperwork for UW since Scott and I finally decided that it would be beneficial to my mental health if we stayed here... pending acceptance to UW for him. (crossing fingers)
> Applied for jobs at the mall, and also a cut-up job at the shipyard.  cutting up a huge boat with torches? yes please.
> There are a handful of people in the ward now that actually know me by name and are actually taking time to know me (instead of "scott's wife" or "another Daly") which is WONDERFUL
> Scott and I are taking an AARL Ham radio class together. which i'm SO excited about. gonna make grandpa proud :D
> We want a dog. well i want a dog really bad and scott is ok with it. A pug. named Moose. or a schnauzer named Batman.  but we're open to suggestions on breeds.
> For the first time in a long time, feeling optimistic about the future.

And that basically wraps it up  nicely. got an A+ in my ASL class, got out of Provo ok. Spent an afternoon in boise on the way up. annnnd that's about it, really.

What i want to happen is this:
>get the job. Job at the mall or job at the shipyard i don't really care.  though the shipyard one pays a LOT better.
>Get into M.I.T program starting in March.
> Graduate 3 months before scott
>Scott graduates
> International trip (Jerusalem, or China, or Europe, etc.)
> get a job. real job this time.  career type job. hire on at a school. high school, middle school, or community college. don't really care. just a good job. that uses my masters degree.
> Live happily ever after. which is code for... we'll see where we are when we get that far.

So that's about it, i guess. Here's to hoping that the future is a hell of a lot better than the last 8 months have been.

Cheers

Job

Have you ever thought about the phrase "curse God and die" ? i was thinking about that yesterday. probably because i was thinking about Job. All his friends were telling him to just "curse God and die." I was wondering if that meant curse God, and have a spiritual death, where the spirit withdraws from you, or if it meant curse God and commit suicide. that would be a literal death. and back then, losing faith was probably equivalent to dying anyway.

Honestly, i feel a lot like Job. If you read his story in the bible, you might be surprised to find out that he just doesn't take what God is putting him through. He complains, he mourns, he grieves, he sinks into depression, but he never curses God and dies. He went from being on top of the world to literally being nothing in the eyes of the world.

Job starts out having everything. He is a wealthy man, a righteous man, and a family man. Then suddenly, his oxen, sheep, camels, and sons are taken away in a matter of minutes. A great tragedy like that? you have to know it's God. and so he went into mourning and worshipped. I imagine at this point he was just having faith that it was part of a greater plan. It was God's will, after all. He had faith that there was a reason and that he would be blessed again. then, he is struck with boils. Nothing that will kill you--but having had a boil before--they're not comfortable. and back in those days it was leporous. he was shunned for 7 days of cleansing. and his friends mourned for him and his wife told him to curse God and die, but he didn't. Nevertheless, his grief was very great.

And then he raises up his voice and curses the day he was born. He wonders why he was ever born, why he ever lived, except to see this awful misery. He confesses his bitterness of soul, and how he would be glad to meet the grave. his greatest fears have been realized.

And then Eliphaz comes in. He, for lack of a better word, rebukes Job for mourning, for crumbling in his grief. He reminds Job of the good he's done. How Job has strengthened the weak of heart and soul, and helped the weakened hands, and now that the trouble is upon Job, he falls? His knees buckle? Is it too much for Job, but not too much for all the other weary souls? will he truly die without wisdom? He says that Man is born into Trouble, and that peace comes from seeking God. Honestly, if this Eliphaz hadn't come in? I think Job would have buckled. Eliphaz says what i think Job believed when the tragedy first struck: that this was part of a plan, a purpose. that God was chastening him for reasons they didn't understand.

Job responds that he wishes God would just destroy him. Put him out of his misery. He wonders what is the point of living anymore? His sons are dead, there will be no posterity. His wealth is gone, how will he provide for himself? his future is gone. There is nothing left for him. And then he turns to God. He asks why. Has he sinned? If so, what so grievous a sin could it have been to merit this severe of a punishment? He asks why he has to burden himself. Which almost sounds like he's asking where God is. Why has God put him at odds with Him? and if he has sinned, why won't He forgive him and take away his suffering?

And then Bildad steps in. He counsels Job on the anguish of faithlessness. Saying that those that "forget" God are cut down like herbs in the field. Their Hope dies long before they do. It is a miserable experience. and a miserable existence. He speaks of eternal consequences, which are so much more potent than temporal ones. He promises that if Job remains faithful, God will fill his mouth with laughter again.

In a way, Job agrees. A man cannot fight against God and win. Those who have hardened their hearts against the Almighty have not prospered. How can one reason with God? One cannot. Job is in despair. The things he says now are things that sound like he's lost his connection with God. The spirit has retreated from him. He says if he calls out to God, He doesn't hearken. "He breaketh me with a tempest, and multiplieth my wounds without cause." Job doesn't understand. He is being beaten, nearly to death, for something he doesn't understand. He is a righteous man, and up until now he still hasn't sinned. So where is God? Who is God? Will someone give Job a chance to plead with God?

Again, Job turns to God. Asking why does He despise the work of His own hands? Job says 'you know i'm innocent! Why are you punishing me?' more or less. You have clothed me, fed me, cared for me, blessed me. And yet now you curse me? "I am full of confusion" He wishes again that he had never been born and asks of the Lord why he was ever permitted to be born. He asks God to destroy him. to cease his days upon the Earth.

And then Zophar steps in. He says that God is punishing Job less than his iniquity deserves. Harsh. He says forget your misery and turn your face to God. If you are wicked, He will destroy you. And if you are righteous, you have nothing to fear. Only the wicked seek to give up the ghost.

Job comes back, pointing out that tabernacles of robbers aren't punished as severely has he has just been. his perspective is changing. He sees what appears to be the wicked prospering while he is a ruined man. it appears that God maketh man to stagger as a drunk. Job asks for silence, for no more counsel or rebuke from those around him. He says "do i put my flesh in my teeth, or my life in mine hand?" in other words, i'm not suicidal. i haven't fallen on my own sword. I have not yet sinned in my grief. He bears his testimony. He says he knows that even though God slays him, He will be his salvation. He knows the eternal consequences that occur from this life and the decisions we make. "Make me to know my transgressions and my sins." he's still looking for the answer. Has he done something wrong? "Wherefore hidest thou thy face, and holdest me for thine enemy?" Job speaks of a tree. A flower that is cut down is dead, but if a tree is cut down and the roots are intact, there is hope that the tree may grow again. Job says he wishes to "hide" in the grave until all the iniquity of the world passes away. He speaks of resurrection. he believes that it is possible for a righteous man to live again after death. Is the flesh made to have pain and the soul made to mourn?

And then Eliphaz steps in again. Rebuking Job. Are you the first man to be born? Are you the first man to have trouble? Are you the first man that God has ever tried? A wicked man is trapped in darkness and seeks to fight with God. hypocrites and wicked men will be consumed with fire, while the righteous have their reward in life again.

job responds with ' you all suck at trying to comfort me.' He says 'if i were in your position and you in mine, i would rebuke you, as you have done, but i would also strengthen you. where is my strengthening?' "God hath also taken me by the neck, and shaken me to pieces." He wonders where are the righteous to plead for him, as he has plead for many in the past. Where is my hope?

by now, it seems, that all the others who have spoken to Job up to this point, believe that he has done something. That he is, in fact, wicked but only won't admit to it. Job begins to rebuke them, saying that there is none wise among them, and that they have reproached him ten times too many. It seems like they're trying to convince him that he's wicked. but he won't have it. Job knows that he's righteous. And so bears testimony that even though God has stripped him of everything, he still has faith in the Doctrine. He still has faith that he will live again, that the atonement works, and that he will see God face to face. Everyone has turned against him. His wife sees him as a stranger. His servants view him as an "alien." his friends have abandoned him, and his children were taken from him.

Zophar speaks again, saying that the success/triumph of the wicked is a small moment. but "God shall cast them out." He describes the punishments prophesied to happen to the wicked. which is basically describing Job's situation, and claims that that is simply how God deals with the wicked. Job replies that they are falsely comforting him by feeding him falsehoods. he is not wicked. and he knows it. And then Eliphaz comes in and accuses Job of sins and exhorts him to repent. He says the righteous will laugh the wicked to scorn. Job wonders where God is. He wishes that he could find Him, if only to understand why this is happening. He goes forward and backward and all around, but cannot find God. is Job so very wicked that he cannot perceive God? Bildad says that man is a worm. nothing more. born into dust, eating dust, and dying in dust. How can man ever be clean before God? It is not a fair system, given what man is. Job again asserts that he is righteous, and as spotless before God as a man can be. it is interesting to me that, though Job is suffering more than he can bear, he ends up teaching these critics about the Gospel. He testifies of the greatness of God, of the power of God unto salvation, and that the blessings of the righteous outweigh any blessings seen on the Earth. Where is wisdom? It cannot be found except in God. Wisdom can't be bought. Wisdom and understanding help you cast out wickedness and evil. Job recalls his righteousness. He recalls the blessings he received for clothing the naked, aiding the blind, carrying the lame, feeding the hungry. he recalls the prosperity and respect he once had as a man of means as well as a man of righteousness. he felt as a king among them, yet a king that was ever aiding the poor and needy. and now? Now they laugh him to scorn, they spit upon him, they abhor him, even as they do the dust under their feet. Job is truly a fallen man. He cries unto God, and God hears him not. "Thou art become cruel unto me." Did i not have righteous desires? Was i not obedient in thy laws? Was i not a righteous man, according to thy commandments? He wishes his heart to be weighed against God's laws. If he has been wicked, then he will accept the punishments. If he his not wicked, he seeks for understanding and for comfort in his grief.

Elihu stands up and speaks now, offering Job the perspective that in his grief, he is putting himself against God. He testifies that God ransoms those that are cast into the pit. as a young man, Elihu offers to teach Job wisdom. wickedness harms other men while righteousness helps them. Man is nothing in comparison with God, and yet God created us, and hears our prayers.

And then, at long last, God appears. He speaks to Job. He chastises him, speaking of the greatness and power of God over the whole Earth. man is nothing, and so why so grievous? God asks Job "Will you condemn me?" Whoa. I would not want to be asked that question. Do you blame me? Do you despise me? When i am so great and you are so not, will you detest me? Job is not filled with indignation. It is his grief that afflicts him. He is humble before the Lord, and so the Lord teaches him.

And then Job finally gets his wish. He understands the greatness of God, the power of the Earth and all the creatures thereon. He Humbles himself and repents in "dust and ashes" before the Lord, in the presence of the Lord, for his grief and for his despair. The Lord accepts Job, rebukes the three that had condemned him and instructs them to make sacrifices and have Job pray for them. And the Lord blesses Job. with twice that he had before. His fortune is rebuilt, he continues in righteousness, and he has more kids. And Job lived 140 years and saw his great-great-grandchildren. and he lived his life full to the end of his days.

On the off chance that you're still reading this, i guess i'll let you know why i've been feeling like Job. A year ago, i was on top of the world. I had enough money to pay for my own study abroad which was so much fun. I was helping share the Gospel, i was doing well in school, i was making friends and helping people and i was successful. I had a paper being published in Linguistics, i had been accepted to my dream school where i was going to get my masters degree and have an amazing job and be fulfilled. and it was all going to happen. i was on the road to success. i was on top of the world. And then, i decided to get married. which is a righteous desire. i got married, in the temple, obeying all covenants and laws to which i was aware. and then, like Job it seems, it all came tumbling down. I have no children to lose, but my friends were lost. most of them don't speak to me anymore for reasons i don't understand. they abandoned me. i couldn't get a job, found myself idle, and sought help, knowing that idleness is not righteous. i prayed, went to church, continued all the things that i knew i was commanded to do, and yet i suddenly realized that my life had gone. I was suddenly worthless. My future corrupted, i had no job, no means of supporting myself, i felt like if i spent so much as a dollar for myself, i was stealing from my husband, who was the one doing all the work. i had no purpose. i had a degree, but no one would hire me. i had great knowledge, but none that was worthy of a fulfilling role. my dad told me if i was sad it was my own fault and i just needed to get over it. my mom kept trying to tell me to write, though she has yet to read anything i've sent her in hopes that she'll actually support me in that. she also rebukes me everytime i seek comfort from her. they are my Eliphaz, Bildar, and Zophar. my marriage is poisoned, since Scott feels guilty everytime i cry and he realizes that i am not the girl i was when we were dating, much less when we were married. As for the sickness? I wish i had boils. they at least can go away and never really return. instead, my heart just isn't working correctly. Nothing lethal, nothing concerning. except when i'm sitting on the couch and my pulse suddenly jumps to 140 and stays that way for about ten minutes. my grief for the loss of my own life, my own dreams, my personality, really, keeps me from others. they don't want to be around me. i'm a drag. I also have not been able to feel the spirit in a long time. I ask God where are you? and He doesn't answer. I ask why? i don't understand? what did i do? show me my iniquity and i will repent! And yet He is silent. Even now, having read all 42 chapters of Job, the spirit is not with me.

Where is my Elihu?

If i can find him, then the lord will come again. I will have a chance to repent and be blessed again. but as for now, i feel beetrayed. I fell that God has tricked me, nurturing me and raising me in righteousness only to take away everything that has come to define me. i am dust. Where is my Elihu? Where is he that has wisdom, that will comfort me as well as rebuke my sadness? Why has God tricked me? Where has He gone? Why did he trick me and then leave? I feel like Job. alone. weary. seeking for the grave for relief from the suffering. Still having faith in the Doctrine, but crying out because i cannot find my Father. I feel like Job. And yet i'm barely holding onto the hope that my roots are intact, that my tree will flower again. in many ways, i don't believe it will. but i am mortal. And so i'm hoping, with my last shred of hope, that God will prove me wrong. and that He will give me a chance to be happy. and if not happy, then content. and if not even that, then i pray for destruction, because i cannot endure.

2012

So. the news is out! Scott is trying to transfer to the University of Washington and we're moving to Seattle in April! yay! moving moving. as in never coming back to utah. ever. which is something i've wanted to do basically since i started at BYU. why do you think i graduated so quickly?

Anyway, it's mostly since i've basically been miserable since October. No job. No school. pretty much literally nothing to do. Sure i did some projects to keep me busy... but one can only crochet so much before you become arthritic. and i'd rather retain the use of my fingers thanks.

i've also been writing alot, which is a blessing. writing is a funny thing. i need people to read, but they never do. i guess they're just too busy. maybe i should just find an editor... hm. anyways...

but this semester will be better at least since i have an ASL class on tu/th nights. it's pretty cool so far and we've only had the one class.

when you sit at home doing nothing more intellectual than reading books for entertainment... you kind of start to feel stupid. watching a lot of tv and movies also helps in that feeling. but what was so great about the first class of ASL was that my linguist instincts kicked in right away. This is not my first rodeo. ASL will be language #6 if you count English and #5 if you don't. I know what to look for. I caught on to exactly what was going on pretty much immediately. grammar is going to be easy, and vocabulary should be actually fun. I've never learned any sort of gestulative language before. but after tones in chinese, it should be no problem. i felt actually intelligent for the first time in months. and a little cocky. i'll admit that.

anyway so that is the latest and greatest. i'm auditioning for a play, we'll see if i can actually do it though since i have the night class. it'll be fun though and i'm auditioning with a friend of mine. so at least it'll be interesting :D

my birthday is coming up and as usual i refuse to think about New Years Resolutions until my birthday. that is when my year begins. last birthday, i got Scott as my boyfriend. this year he's my husband. yay! he's been bragging about how wonderful his gift is to me and of course he won't tell me what it is. we've been playing a guessing game for the last couple of days just because it's fun. and of course i think of the most random things like:

-Quiddich robes

-A turtle named 'Goose'

-a teapot

-a postage stamp

-Tickets to a Paramore concert

-permission to dye my hair and/or shave my head.

scott didn't like that last one at all. but it's just funny. we decided that if we get a dog, we will name him 'Batman' and then we have to get another one and name it 'Goose.' don't ask. just assume that it's funny and laugh along with me. ready? hahahahahahahaha. ok. you can stop now.

Homeless

Home.

What do you think of when you hear that word? Do you think of mom or grandma's homemade cookies and hot chocolate? Do you think of curled up in blankets by the fire? Or maybe long summers having water fights in the backyard and lemonade stands that only last one afternoon. Your old bedroom that mom was always telling you to clean or your secret stash of ten-month-old halloween candy under the bed. Maybe not. Maybe you think of something more current. Maybe you think of your husband or wife kissing you hello as you walk in the door. Maybe dogs barking or cats rubbing through your legs. You might even think of your children, at whatever age, telling you about their day. That old painting on the wall or the piano keys that don't sound or the stain in the carpet from one night long ago. These images are all with fondness--for in every person there is always a desire to return home.

If home is a place, a house, a town; then i am and always have been homeless. I grew up a military brat. We've lived many places, had many houses, and seen many things. The first house i can remember was when we lived in Hawai'i. I was two. I don't really even remember much, though we lived in that house until i was six. I remember it being blue and white, three blocks from my school, or at least three crosswalks from my school, and not much farther to the beach. i remember our striped 80's couch and my dresser. i remember that we only had 3 stairs that were outside because it was a one floor house. but more than that i don't really remember.

our next house was in Texas and i remember it much better. It was grey and red brick. we had a large flower bed in the front and three trees in the backyard. I used to dig up blue bonnets and try to plant them in the backyard, but they always died after a few days. I remember that that was the first house we ever got to paint in. It wasn't much. mom got stencils and made pretty bouquets along the top of one wall in my room. She did them in the family room too, though those were more ornate. We also pained our bathroom. For the kids anyway. From about as tall as i was down, was blue. along the bottom was sand and coral and a few fish along the walls here and there. I remember maybe two of them were like stickers and we put one just above the back of the toilet. i don't know why i remember that, but i do. I remember our kitchen in that house, and when we put real tile on the floors. it was beautiful. i remember our dogs playing in the backyard. I remember roller blading and learning to ride a bike on Jade Spring road where we lived. I remember a lot of things about that house, that neighborhood, my friends, and my school. But i was 9 when we moved away.

We didn't have a proper house next. We had a townhouse in Japan. We were in 6E and then had to move two doors down to 6C when the rennovations needed to be made. There was espestous in the walls, the buildings were so old. I remember that there was a string hanging down to turn off the overhead light in my room, and on the end of that string was a glow-in-the-dark bead so i could find it when it was dark. I remember most things about that townhouse. I remember how nice the rennovated one was compared to the original. The kitchen cabinets weren't puke green anymore. That kitchen was so small... it amazes me now how my mom could've made us dinner in there. Only two people could fit. But i remember that townhouse. My initials are in the cement on the sidewalk leading up to the door of 6C. I put them there before we moved into it when it was wet. I remember the screen door, the three tiny parks that were so near our house. I remember my room, my bike, my piano teacher's house, my school that was painted bright blue, though our classrooms were in portables across the playground. I remember our dining room, our furniture, the computer room right up front. I remember climbing on the trashcans to get on top of the storage sheds in front of our house and the brightly colored banana spiders that were poisonous. but though i remember so much about that townhouse, out of all the homes of my childhood, it never really felt like home. It was temporary. We were strangers in a foreign land. The base we lived on was so small that there were no traffic lights. Only stop signs. you could literally walk everywhere and we often did. And then when i was twelve, we moved again.

We moved to Maryland where i faced most of the challenges i have met in my short life. Our house there i remember perfectly, as it is the house in which my parents currently reside. It is a red brick faced house with a three bay garage and a flowerbed out front. The backyard has a deck and is a rather steep hill. we don't play in it much. It was in this house that i realized that we weren't moving again. that friends weren't just people who put up with you for three years and then never spoke to you again, but people who cared for you. It was in this house that i finally got to paint my room green and have furniture all my own. Although i didn't mind having the old buffet as my dresser. I thought the cigarette burns on the ends were sort of funny--it gave the piece character. it was in this house that both of our dogs finished their lives. It was in this house that i truly learned how to cook, to write, and to play Tuba. It was in this house that i came to terms with a lot of things. It wasn't the place that i wanted to be my first and only home--but in a way it was.

Five years I passed in that house before i set off for Idaho to go to college. I lived with my grandma in her house. i was reminded of what i had felt my entire life. I was living somewhere, but it was temporary. i was a visitor, not a permanent resident. At least the bathrooms and kitchen weren't carpeted anymore in that house.

And then i transferred schools and lived in an apartment for the first time. this was really my first opportunity at living on my own. there were no grandparents or parents watching over my shoulder. It was a mostly pleasant experience, though roommates are hard to handle sometimes. i went back to maryland for the summer and when i returned i stayed in the same building, though moved two doors down into S203.

that first year in S203 was amazing. We all got along so well that it seemed like the closest to a home as we could make it. I don't remember any fights, any passive aggressive feats, nor any real problems. I remembered the decorations we put up for christmas and the miniscule amount of space we had. Not home. But close enough.

The next summer i spent in Florida working for Disney. That apartment was so much nicer than the one i had back in utah. But it wasn't home either. We couldn't put up decorations or damage the extremely white walls. but it was more than enough for the 4 months we spent there. but definitely a temporary living situation.

I spent the next two semesters and one term in the same apartment i had lived the year before. there were problems now, as there always are no matter the circumstance. it wasn't my home, the second floor of Campus Plaza, but it was my turf. I knew the ins and outs, i knew what to expect, and i knew a lot of people that still lived there. I was comfortable there even when things got nasty.

And then summer came and i spent it in Ecuador. How i loved those two months in the jungle. Life was so much simpler there. I could clear my head. I felt really and truly happy and free for the first time since i could remember. I was leading my life and i was leading it well. Our rooms there were basically three walls, a roof, and a screen to keep out the bugs. But it was definitely enough to keep us comfortable. We passed long hours playing card games and watching movies on laptops along with doing our research. I was not truly ever inside while we were at the field school. it was nice to be so close to such an amazing land.

and then i returned to the US and ten days later i was married. everything was going to be temporary, as far as living arrangements went, for a while. We got to our first apartment, which we thought was great at first but slowly grew to despise. Spiders were easily dealt with, but then the mice came.

we had a great opportunity come our way, though. My brother and his wife lived in a townhouse not far from us. it was a townhouse with a full apartment upstairs and downstairs. my brother and his wife moved upstairs when their neighbors moved out and we moved in downstairs. it was so much nicer! It was during this move that we realized how little we really had. it took us 6 hours to get everything into our new apartment and have it all organized and put away. it is in this apartment that i am writing this post.

and so you see, i have never truly had a home, if a home is a stationary place. I am homeless because i have been so transient rather than static. But i would not change my experiences for the world. Because home has come to mean something far deeper than a house or an apartment. To me, home is people. Home is people that i love. Over Christmas break, home was my family and friends back east. During new years home was sitting and watching a movie with my inlaws. I do not ever leave home behind because i carry it with me everywhere i go.

So long as i have those i love most in my heart, i am always home.

The Holidays...

So... time for a bit of an update.

we've moved into our new apartment and it's AWESOME. LOVE IT SO MUCH!! so much more light, more space, and it's a lot cleaner than the other place we were in. plus trav and erin are upstairs and we share meals all the time! sooooo great :D

Thanksgiving was awesome. we spent the first round at the Thomas' (My Eldest brother's wife's parents... odd connection, I know, but they're AWESOME people :D and so welcoming!) and then after that we drove up to Bountiful where there was a HUGE conglomeration of Mumfords. Mumfords is kind of a general term since Rhonda's family is Perkes and Melissa's family is Pace, Gramma's lastname is technically Hawkins and of course my last name is Daly. But hey, they were all Mumfords at one point or another... or their parents were Mumfords at one point or another. so there. but it was awesome! we had a great old time! lots of yummy food, lots of interesting conversation. probably the most benign mumford thanksgiving i've ever been to. and of course most of them are my cousins who had yet to meet Scott, so he met a LOT of new people that night. but we had an amazing time and i was very grateful for it.

moving on...

We went black friday shopping... Toys R us opened at 9pm thanksgiving night. it really wasn't too bad... until we got to the checkout line. that went all the way. around the store. seriously. it took TWO HOURS to get through the line just to get to the check out!! it was madness and we were wondering if it was worth it just as the line began to move faster. i'm glad we stuck it out tho... we got some really great deals and most of our shopping done. And then on Friday we avoided all retailers. it was a rather wonderful day.

It was really really nice having Scott to myself for 5 whole days. it's been a long time since we've been able to spend that much time together. and we had a lot of fun! we cooked, played games, watched movies, and we went to see The Help! Scott enjoyed it and i loved it because i loved the book. and it was in the dollar theatre. booya.

So December came... and with it Utah realized that it's supposed to be winter. blahhhh. i guess it doesn't really matter for me since i'm inside 99% of the time... but yeah still don't enjoy it at all. there hasn't been a good snow yet... i have a feeling January will be blizzard month at this rate. i've never had a utah winter that's been this mild up to this point, so i'm sure the madness is coming. not looking forward to that. but it's okay.

looking at a few job opportunities for me... nothing solid yet... maybe the universe will give me a Christmas present! more later... my typing may be keeping scott awake... ah well. 2 more days of classes! yahoo!

Fall or winter? will the weather please make up its mind?

So Halloween day was absolutely beautiful. clear blue skies, a few puffy clouds, warm with just a little hint of fall coldness in the air... and then BAM! the next morning, cold, rainy, and then snowy. grey skies, icy wind, and just not fun in general. welcome to winter? but that's the way utah is... you can LITERALLY have all four seasons in one day. actually in about 12 hours. i've seen it happen. no joke.

but so for halloween, Scott and i were Han solo and Leia, which was pretty freaking awesome actually. our costumes looked a lot cooler than i thought they would be. of course, i couldn't find a vest for scott, so i made one out of pleather i got at Joanne's. i was pretty proud of myself. no sewing machine, no pattern... i just basically formed it based on the size of one of scott's shirts and stitched it together myself. turned out pretty well, i must say. it is the first functional piece of clothing that i have ever made by myself. booya. but we had a really great time. we hosted a small halloween get together on friday, which was awesomely fun, and then saturday we had our primary rehearsal and then a BBQ and then the Temple with Travis and Erin, and then another party. awesome. needless to say, we had A LOT of pizza that weekend. but no complaining here!

sunday, of course, was the primary program, and it actually went a lot better than i thought. we're getting released this sunday in preparation for us to move next week BOOYA! yes!! so excited to move. we started out loving our apartment, and we do still like it, but in comparison with what we are going to be moving into... yeah. the new one is a lot nicer. anyway! monday night we spent at Travis and Erin's again, we had dinner, ate lots of halloween candy, and watched the new A-Team movie, which is awesome, by the way. if you haven't seen it... see it.

which brings us to tuesday... where scott and I went to see PRESIDENT MONSON speak at devotional. yeahh! it was really awesome. so glad i went. and honestly, getting to see prophets and apostles speak in person is basically the one reason left i have to actually like byu. everything else... not so much. besides the linguistics department of course. but hey i'm biased in that regard. anyway

wednesday morning i woke up with a bit of a scratchy throat, but went shopping with Corinne and her little boys. which was fun :D but then i got home and realized that i had a cold.... and it just got worse throughout the day. so i'm sick... again... jeez! i haven't been sick so often probably since elementary school. you know, when your immune system is still developing? when i was at school i was surrounded by 34,000 people every day and would never get sick but once in a while. i didn't even really get sick while i was in the JUNGLE! but i guess it happens... i'm a firm believer that the right levels of stress actually boost your immune system, because there's that "NO I CANNOT BE SICK RIGHT NOW" coursing through your veins. i'm a fan of that thought.

anyway, still looking for jobs... still coming up empty for the moment... but whatever. we'll find something sometime. i hope.

and so, i've read 5 books in the last 9 weeks. all totaling over 400 pages each. i've read "the House at Riverton" by Kate Morton, "The Help", the first and second Harry Potter books, and "The Amber Spyglass" by Philip Pullman. oh how i love reading. i'm also now working on chapter 5 of my latest rewrite. i'm totally on track for getting this latest rewrite really seriously underway... but i'm just working on timing issues now. i mean teh whole beginning before was to show that the main character became optimistic just for everything to come horribly crashing to the ground. and right now she's optimistic, and i'm wondering WHEN things should come horribly crashing to the ground. so you know, tha'ts coming along... hopefully i'll get things really rolling, because i figure by the fifth chapter, the main driving actions of the story will come into play. as in the war will begin. war makes a good premise for stories, just sayin'.

anyway that's about it for now. i'm feeling a lot better today, probably because i took nyquil and actually got some sleep last night. i slept like 12 hours! but i guess that makes up for not really sleeping at all the night before. we had a plan for date night tonight, but that's totally not going to happen with me being sick and with the weather supposed to be really nasty tonight. we'll probably just stay in, make some popcorn, and watch a movie. i'm good with that.

OH I HAVE THE BEST HUSBAND EVER!!! not only did he stay home from school yesterday to take care of me, the dear, but he also went to target and bought a heater. OH THE JOY. the owners upstairs have the thermostat set at about 68, which is great for the main house, but we're in the basement and don't get a lot of heat staying down here... so when it's 68 upstairs it feels about 60 downstairs. and when you're wearing 2 pairs of wool socks and your toes are still ice?? not a happy thing. so we love it. and i'ts awesome. and this way we can just be warm whenever we want :D

so that's about all. i'm going to go eat something and take more drugs so that my nose will hate me slightly less than it does now.

toodles!

Words, Tubas, and Pirates.

So here we go... the update before halloween is here and i really have a lot to write about.

so as you know, i've been having a hard time getting motivated to do anything because i didn't feel like i was being productive at all. i mean there's jobhunting, but provo is really not a good location to try and find a job if you're not a student. but that's okay. but i've been doing lots better. my Dad even gave me a pep talk about writing more! now that was a surprise.

so i've been writing. alot. i finished a zombie story i was writing when i was down in ecuador. it's more of a slightly violent comedy. it's funny, but of course it's funnier if you know the people and how it's pretty true to character. literally. anyway but my problem with writing is always my beginning. i can write a fantastic rising action, climax, and conclusion/resolution. But the exodus? forgeddaboutit. i like to hit the ground running... unfortunately most readers don't. but i've finally accepted that about 80% of the original set up of a novel i've been working on for about 7 years..... yeah..... needs rewrite. but i've finally got a plan. and it works a lot better, i think. i mean there are some character eccentricities that i need to fix but those are minor details. so i'm making progress! and i feel productive because this is a dream that i can still achieve! YAY!

moving on... Scott, my wonderful musical husband, got us seats in the grand OcTUBAfest ensemble this last weekend. we went to the performances on thursday night which were AWESOME and then we attended rehearsal Saturday morning and played in the saturday night concert. it was amazing! thursday night when i was listening, i started to remember how much i loved playing in band when i was in high school. playing Tuba is something that really too few of us get to appreciate. it's this massive instrument, full of this in-your-face power if you know how to use it correctly. but it also can just make beautiful sound. i know what you're thinking... violins and clarinets are for making beautiful sounds, but no really the mello glorious sound of a tuba played right is like a cello. just hearing those notes, those low powerful foundation notes... they fill you up right to the top. and then when you're creating them? when the buzzing of your lips make a soundwave that shakes the chairs in the backrow of an auditorium?! now that is a fantastic feeling. i'm so glad i still have enough talent in me to be able to sight read a whole bunch of music after 4 years of really not playing at all. it was really fantastic. and i LOVED it.

another recent development is that scott has a game on his iPad that's a pirates game. and we're both (mildly) obsessed with it. holy cow. it's really funny. and it's made us in an extremely pirate happy mood. we went to buildabear this weekend for our friday night date and we almost made a pirate, but then we picked the naval uniform and now have Commander Russell. yeahhhh! and then today we pulled out Muppet Treasure Island and watched it after i went visiting teaching. yeah. pirates are awesome. well at least the old school kind. somalian pirates not so much. but anyway!

that's about all for now. making biscuits and gravy tonight! and our old friend Will from CP is coming over to share it with us. OH and we're also making peppermint-chocolate chip ice cream YUM. so far our favorite has been the peanutbutter reeses cups ice cream that we made last week. needless to say it didn't last very long.

but seriously... that's all folks!