Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Personal Fable and Misery loves Company

So, those of you who have kept tabs on me in the last year know that it hasn't really been a good one for me.  To my shame, I've lost sight of myself, hope, and even my faith.  And I was really caught up in that cursed "Personal Fable." the idea that what is true for everyone else is not true for me.  In my case, that translated to no one else I know is depressed, only me--there must be something wrong with me.  No one else is having these problems, only me.  No one understands because they've never had to deal with something like this all at once or for this long, so no one can help me. But as I said, this is a fable... and it's taken me a while to realize that.  Probably because it takes a while to see anything when you're buried in depression.
What I mean is, in the last week, I've had the chance to catch up with some friends of mine.  They've both been married longer than I have, and both have one child.  However we're all about the same age, give or take a few years, and both of them are very dear to me.
These two women that are my friends I see as brave, faithful, strong women.  On the outside, their marriages seemed perfect.  But as I explained some of the problems I've been facing in the last year I came to find that they had nearly identical experiences.
I say nearly because each couple has their own specific issues--that's just how it is.  A Marriage is a marriage.  not a fairy tale... at least not yet (I believe it will be when we get to heaven).  It's hard work.  And it's painful.  And you can lose yourself to it and hate it, or you can use it and appreciate it.  But the same doubts, the same fears, the same problems, the same long nights filled with tears had affected these two dear friends just like it had me.  I can't tell you how incredibly comforting that was.  For so long i had thought that i was alone, only to find that there were people drowning silently all around me. All of us have our heads above water, thankfully, but that doesn't mean there weren't those moments where we went under.  And it got me thinking about the phrase misery loves company.  Perhaps that means more than 'miserable people make other people miserable because misery loves company.' perhaps it also means that misery is easier to endure with company.  perhaps misery can only destroy you when it has you alone, with no friends to help or give an encouraging word.
the most incredible moment i've had, though, was when i went to go see one of my friends and when i was getting ready to leave, she thanked me for coming to visit with her and for helping her feel 'like a normal person.' Maybe everyone needs help just like i do.  maybe company is the cure for misery.
honestly, i'm at the point now where i don't want to know why i've gone through this last year of nothing but trials and tribulation and struggling to understand.  I really don't even care about understanding the reason why anymore.  i'm just ready for it to be over.  i'm just ready to be done and to move on and maybe, just maybe, remember how to be 'like a normal person' again.


Autumn said...

My husband and I had an extremely difficult first year of marriage. Sometimes it was us learning how to communicate and there were plenty of other things that popped up.

If having an eternal marriage was easy...everyone would be able to do it. Rooting for you!

Erin Mumford said...

No one knows exactly what we go through, but enough people have experienced similar things to be able to lend support and perspective. I'm glad you have discovered that you are not alone.

benandcorinne said...

Yep, marriage is not a fairy tale and sometimes we need to change our perspective. Glad you have some friends who could help support you in that discovery. Emotions from one person to another can be similar but the experiences and situations totally different, and that's because personalities and capacities to endure are different for everyone.