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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

7. If i don't teach what I've learned, then I never learned in the first place.

This one is also pretty straightforward.  After all, when endowed with wisdom, is it not unwise to keep it to yourself? This one also leads up to the next two, but we'll get there when we get there.
I guess this one in particular is the one that is the reason for all of these posts.  if i don't teach what i've learned, then how am i supposed to remember that i learned it in the first place?
I feel this a lot when i'm seeking revelation.  I'll be praying for something but be afraid of the answer. and so when i do get the answer (more than likely the answer that i'm afraid of) i sometimes have a tendency to brush it under the rug.  I was too emotional.  it was just my own feelings, it wasn't the Spirit telling me anything.  I haven't studied it out enough.  It wasn't revelation. and then i go on and on until the very last second when finally i'm brave enough to do what needs to be done.
I'm a very private person.  You may not think that if you know me, but i am.  Chances are i've kept a lot of things from  you.  Not that i don't trust you it's just that...well... i don't really trust anyone.  not where my emotions are concerned.  not that i don't love. i love freely! i love loving people! but in my mind and in my heart... i know one day those that i love the most will also hurt me the most. or disappoint me the most.  or break my heart. and well, for a long time i figured that if i'm expecting it then it doesn't hurt as much. and i'm right.  if you're always expecting people to disappoint you, then you're never really disappointed. because you're disappointed all the time. when you expect things to go wrong, you don't fight as hard for things to go right.
If i don't share what i've learned, then i don't deserve the knowledge that i've acquired. and it will soon fade away.  truths that i once cherished will wither into nothing if i don't teach them, share them, expound upon them.  and then i won't know them anymore.

and so, for probably the first time in my life, i'm trying--REALLY trying-- to be open and speak my mind, to teach and to share what i'm feeling when i'm feeling it. and not to shove.  and it is a way of exercising and sharing what i've learned. or what i think i've learned.
and it's painful.  really and truly painful.  swallowing emotion is so easy. it's so simple. it doesn't get me into trouble or in arguements with people that i love.  it doesn't bother anyone... except me of course. it's like when you clench your fist tight for a long time and then try to open your hand. it hurts. a lot. but it's worth it. because it's hard to do things like type with a balled fist.
i hope at least some of you take this to heart.  speak up! teach, share.  everyone needs counsel every once in a while, so why not yours? who cares if you're not an expert on something, share what you THINK. because you do think, don't you? you do have some life experience. you do have perspective. and an opinion. and don't be ashamed.  so what if people don't agree. that's their problem. your job is just to share your wisdom, whatever it may be, and to be professional about it.
for some it may be easy, and for some like me it may be really really hard. but i believe that it needs to be done. and that when it is done and done with professionalism and respect, it will lead to a better life for us all.

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